The Oddness of Spirits

Settle in for a long one folks.  Hard to tell this story without some background.

I have always believed in ghosts and spirits.  Ever since I started talking to them when I was a lonely child.  Or tripped over an invisible dog laying in the hallway (a dog who had passed away 4 months earlier).  Or witnessed odd moving shadows that coalesced into almost a recognizable shape before drifting away.

As a child, I was never afraid.  I didn’t know to be.  Until the large tree in our yard fell, all activity suddenly stopped, and the house became “uncomfortable.”

We moved to a suburb from the big city.  New construction, no history to the home of the land.  The neighborhood was plastered squarely between two of the larger cemeteries in the area.  I didn’t think about it for the first few years.  I was 10; I didn’t think outside of myself much in general.

Then, life happened. And over the last 22 years I have learned the habits of my home:

  • The front bedroom has a shadow.  It sits in what I believe is a North-East-ish corner of the room.  When the room is full of furniture and lived in, it is shoved into a small space at the top corner of the room.   If the room is empty of furniture, it stretches.  It fills the whole corner.  And while it always feels like it’s just watching, this makes some people uncomfortable.  Others never feel that.  It is almost like it’s picky who it likes.
  • Spirits often are just “passing through.”  I have only felt this at places near graveyards.  I call them “visitors.”  They don’t feel like ghosts, or trapped spirits, or even like they’re haunting the home.  It feels genuinely like they are going somewhere, saw a house that attracted them, and poked their heads in to see what was up.  Asking them to leave is usually all it takes.  Sometimes they want attention, or the kids, to play.  But they never hesitate to move on within 24 hours or so.
  • The tripping over the dog thing is still happening.  It went away for a few years, but came back with a  vengeance.

Through it all, I always felt safe.  Protected.  This was my land, my home, and we were it’s people.  I made a point to stay connected.

Then, when I was 32, that same house now mine, my father who was living with us died suddenly and unexpectedly in the home.  We came home to find him likely less than an hour after.

My world fell apart.

When I started to be able to retain memory again a good 3 months later, I started to notice…things.  Things that were not normal.  You see, the “head” of the home had died, and he and I were connected over that space still.  The main guardian of the home, myself, was despondent and let all guards fall in mourning.  It was suddenly a very different home.

  • A large newer window cracked and spider webbed for no reason.  An insulated dual-pane window in California spring weather.
  • A glass shattered onto the floor in the kitchen.  With no one there to explain why.  And no idea where it had come from.
  • BUGS.  So many snails, slugs, and creepy crawlies getting into the home from who knows where.
  • Odd stains appearing on the carpet – no moisture, no smell, carpet still soft just VERY discolored.
  • My dog, who was 14 and my dad’s baby, started barking, growling, and snapping at nothing.  Now, we assumed since she was old that this was a mental issue.  It would not have been surprising; she was peeing the bed when sleeping with my dad and having other issues while he had been not feeling well the last few weeks.

Then, the icing on the cake.  

I walked out of my room at 6:30am towards the kitchen, carrying my sleepy puppy, to hear the front screen door slam open; loudly.  Like someone was running out of our door.  We have a main door with a security screen outside.  I walk past it to the kitchen.  The front door was still locked.  I think it’s weird, but ignore it.  I tell no one and fix it before my husband wakes up.

The next day, same process.  This time I SEE something run from the kitchen to the front door and outside.  I freak out.  The front door is completely unlocked.  But the screen door?  Locked.  I’m weirded out but, when I turn to the kitchen?  Every.  Cabinet.  Open.  Que panic attack.  This does not feel right.  I honestly thought someone might be robbing us and have a thing for kitchen utensils.  Again, I tell no one and fix it before my husband wakes up.

Next 3 days.  I wake up at 3-4 am because my dog has to go potty (she can’t jump from the bed but learned to wake me up).  I hear odd but not overly loud noises.  I know my home noises well after 22 years; this is not normal.  I let her out back, which walks me past the kitchen.  Yup; open fucking cabinets.  One time, the sink was running.  One time, the fridge door was cracked visibly open.  All of this feels…malicious.  Like when you know someone is watching you and their thoughts are not kind.  Like they’re biding their time and amused by your fear.  I calmly fix these things before going back to bed.  I tell no one.

The last day was the worst.  I came out to both front doors COMPLETELY OPEN.  We had been meticulous about locking our locks since the first few time.  Every cabinet open.  Water running.  All the lights on in the house.  I freak out and spill the beans to the husband about what I’ve been experiencing.  Then, I get angry.

I start to cleanse.  Chants, music, crystals, sunlight, oils, incense, charms, smudging, walking my property with an herbal mix for protection, burying witchbottles at the corners of my property.  ALL OF THE THINGS.  (Rusty nails are amazing for protective energy btw) Also cleaning – vacuuming, dusting, wiping, scrubbing, mopping.  My home, my land, my rules, MINE.

By noon, the house is mine again.  It feels….different.  Lighter.  Like it has never felt since I lost my dad.

The trouble goes away. My dog becomes AMAZINGLY better and improves like crazy.  I actually decide to go back to work after taking off a long time for mourning and trauma.  

It never comes back.  But the others remain, the visitors, the normal things.  And I feel like, connected to my dad now passed, the connection is stronger.  More powerful.  I feel stronger, and I feel what goes on around me more.

I never took photos, because that would feel like validation.  I still never tell anyone what happened; most people won’t believe me.  Until today.  It seemed like the right time.  And it was real – opinion won’t change that.  But damn if I ever want to experience it again.

Weekly Reading, thru March 24th

St.Patricks Day as a holiday still boggles my mind.  I’m still not sure what we’re celebrating or why everyone is green…

On to this week`s reading, courtesy of The Wooden Tarot!

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, and play.

Overall Influence: VI of Blooms

Feeling slightly nostalgic this week?  That’s fine, and can be fun, but remember you don’t live there anymore.

Work: Knight of Bones

Now is not the time to try a whole new process.  You need to appear dependable and even-tempered.  Mavericks are not likely to be desirable right now.

Love: XVII The Star

Generally hopeful.  Could be the realization of a goal or inspiration in what may have been a rough time.  Also expect new or fresh beginnings.  Could be a new relationship or a new phase in an existing one.  Let that breeze clear out the cobwebs and the stars shine down!

Play: VII of Bones

Time to reap what you sow, whether it was time, money, or energy.  Generally a positive thing, but choose wisely what you invest in.

March Full “Crow” Moon

I love and hate full moons.  They keep me awake better than energy drinks.  Problem is, I need to sleep to actually function at work.   Makes for interesting conversation the next day at least!

This reading is using my favorite moon deck, the Deviant Moon Tarot!

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Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

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 (1)  What is ending:  Queen of Pentacles

The time has come to stop looking after other people’s physical needs and to reconsider what you are looking for in life.  To obtain it may require a battle for recognition.  Your limited vision must expand in order for your life to expand – take the chance!

Issuing involving a parent who cannot see that their child is growing up (trying to micromanage or care-take an adult child, for example) should be resolved before the new moon, or can lead to lager problems.

(2)   What to keep:  VII of Swords

Keep your plans and determination close.  You do you.  Let that individuality shine!  Set your goals and follow through.  Just be careful you don’t also keep the isolation and suspicion that also come with this card.

(3)  What personally affects you:  The Chariot

Control of your life, situations, moods, and thoughts.  Focus is on-point and should help to guarantee your success.

Also movement – both personally, for travel, and in life, such as moving or career change.

(4)   What is starting:  VIII of Cups

A change of situation; may positive or negative.  May mean new households and/or marriages.  Hopefully, these changes can be met without stress or strain.  Also allows for seeing and recognizing patterns.

(5)  What to let go:  Knight of Pentacles

Work, sleep, work, sleep; it’s time to break the habit.  Since it signified the work that goes into applying one-self, this may also signify, if you have been hunting, obtaining a job or promoting before the new moon.

(6)   What affects the world around you:  The Tower

Massive forces working around you, may end up disrupting the status-quo of the world around you.  Be conscious of what is happening and it may help you to avoid some serious unhappy events.  Tempers are sensitive, emotions may run high.  The Tower leads to some chaos before the change – it can be exciting, or terrifying.

You may be cut loose from a situation you are unhappy with.  It may be disorienting and unexpected, but new opportunities can await!

 (7)  Lesson to learn:  The Heirophant

Express your beliefs outwardly without fear or shame.  Be careful how much voice you give to your inner critic – that guy’s a jerk!  Do not be too quick to adhere to tradition – you may need to be able to bend slightly to survive.

Weekly Reading, thru March 17th

Another reading with the amazing Wooden Tarot deck.  For the energies during the upcoming week.

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, and play.

Overall influence: Page of Blooms

Let loose inner child.  Play, dream, have fun.  You’ve been too serious. 

Work: God of Blooms

Intuition speaking.  Opportunity abundance, and satisfaction are yours if you are willing to reach out and take them.  Promotions, new hiring, new enjoyment of your job, or even recognizing that your happiness lies elsewhere.

Love: V of Bones

Feeling insecure this week?  Seek help if you need to; reach out!  You are worthy of love.

Play: V of Stones

Get your game on! Some healthy competition is good for you.  You have something to offer.  But be careful of tipping over any arguments.  It’s supposed to be fun, remember?

Midweek Madness

 

20170305_160320A midday reading while feeling a bit foggy.  The weather is nice, everything is going well, I just feel…off.  It’s hard to describe.

Seeking clarity, I started shuffling (almost a meditative thing for me now) and I LOVE using this deck for that.  It’s a mini-deck called The TaRat.

SO.  STINKING.  CUTE.

Top two are what’s bugging, middle is what the next steps are, bottom is the end result.

What’s bugging? The Chariot & Page of Wands

The need for movement and transportation, the will to express.  Feeling stifled in communication and enthusiasm.  Craving new experiences and learning.

I want to move up at work.  I want to be passionate about what I do at work and at home.  That was pretty blatantly accurate.

Next steps?  Strength & V of Cups

Change is coming.  Be cognizant of physical appearance.  A show of courage, determination, or physical presence may be necessary.  Work towards self improvement.  New experiences or challenges will draw you out.  Be cautious the instability does not cause too much anxiety.

Holy shit.  I’m not sure I’m ready for this.  Be careful what you ask for I guess.

End results?  The Hermit & VIII of Swords

Think where you are and where you want to go, focus on what you’re trying to accomplish.  Your attitude will affect everything.  Find yourself in awe during this new journey for knowledge.  You may need to accept some restrictions.  Avoid other people’s problems.  While you may end up walking this path mostly alone, you will still find the people you need. 

Success but lots of work.  I’ve never shied away from that.  I tend to be more secluded anyway, so I don’t worry about that aspect.  I actually find learning new things to be a lot of fun, so I’m hopeful that’s where this is headed!

Overcoming

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So the question of the day was made knowing I have things to overcome at work and looking for direction.  It was a rough day.  Once again using my most favorite oracle deck (currently). the Mayhem Tarot.

I had asked:

Card 1: What struggles will I face while overcoming this hurdle?

The card is The Mountain: Overcoming; resilience.  There are many ways to scale the mountain, none of them are easy.

Noted.  Not gonna be easy.  Lots of struggles.  But the path I choose to take when confronting them matters.

Card 2 & 3: What should I do to achieve it?

The first card is The Snake:  Healing; rebirth.  It is time to shed this skin for a new one.  What is venomous to one may heal another.

SO MUCH CHANGE.  I equate this one to sandpaper polishing you to a beautiful shine.

The second card is The SunStrength; passion.  Turn yourself towards the center of your own solar system; the answer lies there.

Center yourself.  Belief in yourself.  Find your passion.  That’s exactly what I’m doing!

At the end of it all, I feel like I’m headed in the right direction, but that it will not be an easy accomplishment.  That’s okay; nothing worthwhile ever is.

Weekly Reading, thru March 10

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This week I’m using another standard tarot, The Ghosts & Spirits Tarot.  The images are amazing and complicated and haunting.

Meanings of the cards included may be both traditional and intuitive.

Counter-clockwise from the top: overall influence, work, love, play.

Overall Influence:  The High Priestess

She can illuminate the pathway for you, but only you can make the decision to walk it.  Trust your intuition and you’ll go far.

Work:  Two of Cups

Loving your job requires give and take.  If there is all take, your love is best served elsewhere.

Love:  The Hermit

Take some chill time and relax.  You might need it more this week.

Play:  The Lovers

Don’t lie to yourself with ‘only 10 more minutes’; rock that party but go to bed at a reasonable time.  Balance is important this week so don’t over-do it.